needs and hads
8/3/2025
nothing makes more sense than a relationship you had before coming back. like a wave you swore you've floated over before is back. it's exhausting... but it's always an opportunity to let go. I trust that as long as I practice awareness, selfless service, compassion, and I don't Run Away from my feelings, it'll be alright. Doesn't make it any less frustrating to feel this alo
i'm practicing being a cycle breaker
lowkey didnt even understand that haters were a real thing until this year.
i did a tarot card reading today and heres how i interpreted it using the tarot book my older sister gave me.
the tarot card reading
Past - Queen of Pentacles (upright)
a home crafted meticulously to be welcoming but simple. warm but extravagent. I think of my own suburban home with millenial grey all around it... but I would rather interpret my room and my personal world, not the one my mother crafted that I live in. There's something missing in it, but that could just be the feeling of needing to clean it up a bit more. I have so many tools just sitting around, and relationships that await interaction to be fully realized and utilized. There are people who would gladly adopt me if they had the resources to do so... but I fear they underestimate how much it takes to take care of me.
or to be m
Present - IV of Pentacles (pǝsɹǝʌǝɹ)
either excessive possessiveness or overgenerosity. do I hoard? probably not but it's something to be aware of. at least... i don't hoard money. I've been hoarding clothes, emotions, attention. I've actually got a whole deficit of attention! they say it's a disorder.
maybe I just don't know what to do with what I have. Maybe the instructions haven't come in yet. the excerpt says a lot about goals. i definitely don't have those! maybe it has something to do with that damned attention deficit. You're telling me I can't focus on even my own goals? When I get instructions from the source, i can't retain an understanding... but maybe that too is part of the path. I've been meditating and feeling but not focusing. I ought to attain one-pointedness of the mind.
Future - King of Cups (uprite)
emotionally balanced, but not unshaken. floating. waves of emotion only change the perspective briefly, never the action. seeing others from the waves away and understanding why they see things the way they do. how can i use my emotions for good? emotions are power. they are fuel. they are motivation itself. don't let them go to waste like i alw